How will I know?

There is this boy that I have liked for a year now, and the way he acts around me is different than he acts around everyone else - always touchy feely, picks me up in hugs, calls me babe, tells me I look good through texts but not in person. He knows I like him. He told me that he was flattered. But he is a major flirt and I have no idea if I'm getting played.

I followed up with this questioner and found out that she is 21 yrs. old. 

You have liked this guy for an entire year and all you have are some occasional hugs and some flirtatious texts now and again?  I don't see how you are getting played because there's not a whole lot happening!   He knows you like him, he says he's flattered, but here's the reality- he's just not interested in moving things forward.

Don't waste any more of your energy trying to figure out what's going on.  Continue to be friendly with him, but let the texting fade out and continue living your life with your existing friends.  Shop around for someone else to flirt with- someone who clearly reciprocates your interest.  There's no reason to continue waiting for some concrete sign of something that is just. not. there.   I'm sorry.

Rude!

Once a week when I drop by to see my aunts, they comment amongst themselves about my weight within my earshot as if I'm not even in the room. "Oh, she's gained some pounds," or "She looks okay.” How can I get them to stop this annoying and hurtful behavior! 

Immediately after they have commented about your weight, in your own words, tell them, “I’m right here, I can HEAR you talking about my body and it hurts my feelings to know that you are actually sizing me up and having a group discussion about what you see. Please stop.” 

If they tell you that they’re only concerned about you, tell them you’re fine with your body and if you ever want to discuss your weight with them, you will.

I DO NOT recommend that you talk to them directly about the rudeness or inappropriateness of their comments because, well, they don’t see themselves as being rude or inappropriate. In their minds, they’re just talking. About your body. While you’re there. That’s all! They care about you and love you! Why are you upset? 

See how all of this has the potential to loop around and around, spiraling far away from the core issue? Focus tightly on how their comments hurt your feelings, and repeat as often as necessary. If they persist, come back to me and we’ll map out Plan B, titled, “Aunties, You Leave Me No Choice. It’s ON!”

I really should exercise...

Exercise is something I always push aside in place of something else, though I know I’ll feel better once I do, even if it’s once a week. Joining a gym is out of my budget range, and I know what kind of exercise to do (walking, aerobics, yoga).  But any advice on how to get it started? 

Getting started is one thing, maintaining an exercise plan over the long term is some hard, hard stuff for many of us.  

You already know what type of exercise works best for you-- that’s a huge part of launching your new plan.   The only thing I’d add is that you should try to find an exercise buddy for at least some of your exercise efforts.  I know that schedules are tough to sync up, but having the mutual accountability factor is a good motivator.

To build a foundation to support long-term exercise efforts, think about the concrete reasons why you want to launch an exercise plan now.  Is your family history littered with the big three (high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease)?  Do you want to feel more powerful?  More deeply relaxed?  Do you want your clothes to fit differently?   Gather your concrete reasons, write them down, post them on your bathroom mirror, on the car dashboard, anywhere where you’ll see them daily and be reminded of why exercise is non-negotiable for you.   This is not intended to bring on guilt; this is only about remembering the reasons why you need to go for that walk when every fiber of your being wants to stretch your body on the couch (or wants to do _________ instead of exercising).  Make your exercise reasons louder and more compelling than your couch reasons as often as you can muster.  

Easier said than done? Absolutely. 

Excuse me, I need to go and follow my own advice.