How will I know?

There is this boy that I have liked for a year now, and the way he acts around me is different than he acts around everyone else - always touchy feely, picks me up in hugs, calls me babe, tells me I look good through texts but not in person. He knows I like him. He told me that he was flattered. But he is a major flirt and I have no idea if I'm getting played.

I followed up with this questioner and found out that she is 21 yrs. old. 

You have liked this guy for an entire year and all you have are some occasional hugs and some flirtatious texts now and again?  I don't see how you are getting played because there's not a whole lot happening!   He knows you like him, he says he's flattered, but here's the reality- he's just not interested in moving things forward.

Don't waste any more of your energy trying to figure out what's going on.  Continue to be friendly with him, but let the texting fade out and continue living your life with your existing friends.  Shop around for someone else to flirt with- someone who clearly reciprocates your interest.  There's no reason to continue waiting for some concrete sign of something that is just. not. there.   I'm sorry.

Rude!

Once a week when I drop by to see my aunts, they comment amongst themselves about my weight within my earshot as if I'm not even in the room. "Oh, she's gained some pounds," or "She looks okay.” How can I get them to stop this annoying and hurtful behavior! 

Immediately after they have commented about your weight, in your own words, tell them, “I’m right here, I can HEAR you talking about my body and it hurts my feelings to know that you are actually sizing me up and having a group discussion about what you see. Please stop.” 

If they tell you that they’re only concerned about you, tell them you’re fine with your body and if you ever want to discuss your weight with them, you will.

I DO NOT recommend that you talk to them directly about the rudeness or inappropriateness of their comments because, well, they don’t see themselves as being rude or inappropriate. In their minds, they’re just talking. About your body. While you’re there. That’s all! They care about you and love you! Why are you upset? 

See how all of this has the potential to loop around and around, spiraling far away from the core issue? Focus tightly on how their comments hurt your feelings, and repeat as often as necessary. If they persist, come back to me and we’ll map out Plan B, titled, “Aunties, You Leave Me No Choice. It’s ON!”

I really should exercise...

Exercise is something I always push aside in place of something else, though I know I’ll feel better once I do, even if it’s once a week. Joining a gym is out of my budget range, and I know what kind of exercise to do (walking, aerobics, yoga).  But any advice on how to get it started? 

Getting started is one thing, maintaining an exercise plan over the long term is some hard, hard stuff for many of us.  

You already know what type of exercise works best for you-- that’s a huge part of launching your new plan.   The only thing I’d add is that you should try to find an exercise buddy for at least some of your exercise efforts.  I know that schedules are tough to sync up, but having the mutual accountability factor is a good motivator.

To build a foundation to support long-term exercise efforts, think about the concrete reasons why you want to launch an exercise plan now.  Is your family history littered with the big three (high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease)?  Do you want to feel more powerful?  More deeply relaxed?  Do you want your clothes to fit differently?   Gather your concrete reasons, write them down, post them on your bathroom mirror, on the car dashboard, anywhere where you’ll see them daily and be reminded of why exercise is non-negotiable for you.   This is not intended to bring on guilt; this is only about remembering the reasons why you need to go for that walk when every fiber of your being wants to stretch your body on the couch (or wants to do _________ instead of exercising).  Make your exercise reasons louder and more compelling than your couch reasons as often as you can muster.  

Easier said than done? Absolutely. 

Excuse me, I need to go and follow my own advice.

Blocked...

I have an awful phobia of writing college entrance essays. My mind goes blank and I just freeze. This doesn't happen with resumes, just entrance essays. I have a deadline coming up in a month, but it's not as easy as "just write it." I’ve been hearing that for years, as well as telling myself that, and it's not working. Any thoughts or methods people use or any other advice? 

"Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, and know how to protect yourself from your weaknesses." 

I came across this quote just a couple of weeks ago and it applies to your situation. You already know that you struggle with essays, so you have to pull out the full combat armor and gather your troops to get through this. My suggestion: 

This weekend or next weekend at the very latest, get a friend to come over to your house with a laptop. Talk out loud about what you want to say in the essay while your friend types your thoughts. Then, organize those ideas into an outline. Continue to talk about the guts of each section of the outline while your friend continues to type. Feed your friend some good food. Talk and type, talk and type. Take a look at what you have. It’s taking shape. Mold and squeeze and edit and spell check what you have. Have your friend look at it. Take your friend’s suggestions. See?  It’s great! Turn it in. 

DO NOT spend any more time trying to figure out why you go blank or why you just can’t do it. Analyze why your mind goes blank AFTER you ship off your essay. Your job is to get this done, and you need someone to help you. Don’t second-guess this, just get the help.  

Protect yourself from your weaknesses so you can fully express your strengths. Get this behind you so you can go to school.

Stress!!

How do I build in time to not feel so stressed?

The key words are already in your question- you have to deliberately build in the time. There are some stressors that are inevitable, such as work deadlines, and sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and deal. My boss calls it “getting the elephant through the snake.” At the same time, if a job feels like endless stress, you may need to reevaluate if you need to be there.

Go to a mountain top or sit in a café with a friend or lock yourself in a room with only a pen and paper and think/talk about what a less-stressed life looks like for you. Express your wildest thoughts, because you’re reshaping your life. It’s a radical act. Once you come up with some ideas, let your spouse/friend/brother/cousin know that you plan to go to the hot yoga class on Wednesdays and Fridays or that you will buy art supplies and spend an hour on Saturday mornings attempting to capture the true essence of your dog on canvas. Have people hold you accountable for your commitment to increased chillaxin’. Good luck!

Delete or not?

Is there ever a good time to delete a comment from your Facebook thread?

Delete based on your own Facebook code of ethics. It’s your page.

My own prompts for hitting the delete button:
1. Prolonged argumentative scribblings.
2. “Jokes” that rub me the wrong way (violent, racist, sexist, etc).
3. Anything that puts my BIDNESS out there without my OK. I like to embarrass myself on my own terms.